TO CONGRESS, July 4, 2016.
The unanimous Declaration of disgruntled Americans within the fifty-ish (looking at you Puerto Rico, American Samoa, Guam, et al.) united States of America,
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people who comprise an (ostensibly) classically liberal republic to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with two incredibly out-of-touch and unrepresentative political parties, and to assume among the powers duly granted them by the founding charters of their states and nation, the ability to actually nominate and elect decent, smart, ethical, and qualified individuals to represent them in public office, a decent respect to the opinions of humankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that the self-styled “Democratic” and “Republican” parties – having outlived their utility and grown bloated and lethargic due to the complacency which accompanies their currently-held privileged place within our constitutional republic – serve their own interests, often collaboratively and incestuously, doing so to the denigration of the People which have thus far entrusted them with their votes, their money, their voices, indeed, their very rights and liberties which were properly recognized to belong to them by the founding charters. We also hold that both parties have lost their ever-loving minds in 2016, nominating a clown and a criminal and thus leaving the American people with the difficult and perplexing choice of selecting to be the next President either a turd sandwich or a giant douche. We also hold that, given the constitutional prerogatives which empower the people in our classically liberal republic, we are not stuck with these downright odious choices; but rather, that when these choices, and the parties that have proffered them, become destructive of the ends for which this nation was founded and these people aspire, it is the Right of the People to alter the current status quo, and to support a new status quo that might better give voice to the near majority of Americans who now openly disavow affiliation with either party. Of course, we also recognize that prudence dictates that regimes long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and we recognize that people are more willing to settle for the lesser of two evils than actually support legitimate alternatives.
But, when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such a status quo, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
Such has been the patient sufferance of these fifty-ish states and the People therein; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their current Systems of Government. The history of the present two parties is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of their own interests and the interests of their well-connected, well-heeled friends and colleagues, instead of the interests of the People who have entrusted them with the sacred responsibilities accompanying the privilege of holding public office. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
- They have refused to assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. In lieu of providing their assent, they have dodged politically challenging matters, choosing instead to empower executive branch or independent agencies to do the job rightly entrusted to the far-more democratically accountable Congress and/or the state governments.
- They have winked at judicial acquiescence to this practice, choosing to let un-elected, and oftentimes un-appointed, bureaucrats have the final say on what the law of the land will be.
- They have berated the “other side” for such conduct, while gleefully exploiting all the advantages of expansive executive authority when “their side” was in office.
- They have erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass the People, and to eat out their substance, in the form of pointless and destructive environmental regulations, zoning regulations, property laws, occupational licensing, among others.
- They have dispatched the Standing Armies to fight in wars predicated upon misinformation or outright deception, all in the name of national security while waving the bloody shirt. When such actions were not defensible on that basis, they have defended such conduct in the name of advancing classically liberal values, aware of the irony that liberty is not well-represented via imposition by force but unwilling to alter such conduct.
- They have threatened the ability of the People to engage in commerce amongst themselves and with the people of other nations, by erecting frustrating and needless regulations, and by wrongly treating free trade as a threat to the People’s livelihoods.
- They have repeatedly told the People they knew what was best for them, even though the witness of history attests to the error of this proposition.
- They have profited off of sowing discord and division amongst the People, by encouraging them to differentiate themselves according to external categories and classifications that should bear no weight in evaluations of others, and by politicizing selectively chosen statistics to feed narratives that are oftentimes half-truths or deliberate falsehoods.
- They have constructed an elaborate and incomprehensible system of taxation, by which they have repeatedly carved out exceptions for their well-connected friends and patrons, while leaving the People stultified and unable to make heads or tails of the system.
- They have contrived systems whereby they promised security to people by asking for payments intended to be held in public trust, only to raid that trust and avoid the political consequences through creative parliamentary and budgetary maneuvers.
- They have exploded the national debt in concert, all while pointing fingers and blaming others, while being collectively responsible for the disconcerting state of public finance and fiscal policy.
- They have created entire classes of secondary citizens, solely on the basis of those citizens’ choice to indulge in behavior that, while perhaps imprudent, unwise or even destructive, nevertheless was not deserving of decades’ long imprisonments in human cages.
- They have conspired to weaken local and state governments in order to empower the national governing bodies, oftentimes in the name of necessity; resulting in significant diminutions in the representative nature of the political order, thereby also resulting in government by fiat.
- They have repeatedly engaged in perfidy and malfeasance, scarcely paralleled in the most corrupt eras of our nation’s history, and totally unworthy of the trust which the People have bestowed upon them.
- They have pitted kith and kin against one another, despite there being little difference between them on numerous issues, all because such division accrues to their benefit and control.
- They have repeatedly preyed upon these divisions, oftentimes arising out of political ignorance bred and fostered by these same individuals and entities, to the detriment of the People and to the devolution of the body politic.
Amongst these grievances could be multiplied a far greater number. The People have yearned for hope and agitated for change on repeated occasions, petitioning first in humble terms and then swelling to an intemperate rage upon being repeatedly ignored, turned away, and offended by repeated injury. Those whose character is thus marked by every act which may define, at the very least, incompetent knaves, and perhaps tyrants, are unfit to be rulers of a free people.
We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them in contempt until such time as they desist from the infliction of such grievances.
We, therefore, do solemnly publish and declare, that the People would like competent, decent, and reasonable governance; competent, decent, and reasonable elected officials; and a thoroughgoing respect for the rights and liberties duly recognized to belong to the People by the founding charters of this nation.
For the actualizing of this Declaration, we mutually pledge to each other that we will stop being know-nothings and politically-ignorant pawns who are taken advantage of by political opportunists. We also pledge to educate ourselves so as to be responsible citizens and to conduct ourselves accordingly, as befitting a free and enlightened People. We pledge to honor the legacy bequeathed to us by those who expended their lives, fortunes, and honor to ensure their posterity’s proper succession to the high estate of free and enlightened individuals capable of competent self-governance. We pledge to strive to be worthy of this inheritance by putting an end to the parade of horribles that has been our dysfunctional political order.
Forthwith signed, published and disseminated, July 4, 2016.